I am never bored because - no matter how creative I like to pretend I am - I could never make this stuff up.
One of my students was using dip in my class - IN MY CLASS. I made them spit it out, finish taking notes, and get the homework before I let them get a drink of water. Then I sent them to the office where they received a $100 fine. This student's uncle also got into a fight with their aunt after parent night due to his alluding to my appearance being the reason this student was successful in math.
Classroom dialogue. Apply an overly sweet tone when you read my quotes. I approach every situation like that - which makes me, (wrongfully), feel like I can say exactly what I want without remorse.
*screaming* "I'm an atheist and I don't give a F__"
"Wait, what does that have to do with Algebra?"
*screaming* "All my life people try to teach me things and I can do it on my own."
"(Student name), but this answer isn't correct. I can teach you this if you let me."
"You just do this for the money."
"I actually took a pay cut to be here."
*mumbling* "F__ you, I know my rights. The Bill of Rights says I can choose to get an education if I want to. It's my right." *stands with knuckles on desk until referred to dean's office*
"What would you do if I showed up to your door with a bottle of wine?"
"Disgusting. I'd pretend I'm not home and sneak out the back door."
"What if it's champagne though?!"
"I don't want you to hit me Ms. Hering."
"Awe! I'd never hit you!" "/
"The only thing she hits is her boyfriend."
Walking between buildings:
"Hey, he 18."
"I said he 18. He tryin' to holler at you."
"Come here boys."
"What? He wont tell nobody."
"Repulsive. I am a teacher and you will approach me in an appropriate manner. Do we need to go talk to (principal's name)?" *opens door for students to enter school*
"Ugh my knee hurts" *holds knee, walks in and looks down*
"I'm sure that's not all that hurts. Have a great day!"
"I like your panty hose, Ms. Hering. You actually match today."
"Ms. Hering, you toooo tiiiight man. You needa getchu a boyfriend. Loosen you up."
"We are not discussing the state of my vagina in this classroom. "
I don't let students use the restroom during my class. Period. One student even asked the principal about it during an assembly with around 500 students:
"What if your teacher NEVER lets you use the bathroom in class?" *looks directly at Ms. Hering*
I love my administration and I tell them so.
However; when 75% of my class looked distraught one day, (we're on block scheduling), this is what ensued:
"If you eff this up, we will never, EVER use the bathroom again during class."
"Ms. Hering, I bet yooz a G."
"Why you look like that Ms. Hering?"
"I'm sick today."
"I think it's food poisoning. So I'm not contagious."
"Pregnant people be throwin' up a lot too." *phone vibrates* "Oooo that cho baby daddy?"
"If you net $5,000 a week then..."
"You sell drugs."
Despite all of the learning that appears to not happen in my classroom: my Geometry class is further along than one of the general ed classes AND at a 72% mastery, my fellow Algebra teacher sarcastically said "it's going to be great when your kids do better on the EOIs than mine," and my Math of Finance class has raised almost $200 on their own through advertising and sales techniques, (and there are only 2 students that frequent that class).